True artist..

19 Oct

” This sounds like the most hackneyed 19th-century platitude, but in the midst of my own tiny personal troubles, I turned to the thing I knew how to do and I made songs out of it, and in the making of those songs, much of the pain was dissolved. That is one of the things that art does, is that it heals. A man who makes those choices in his own life is often more beautiful than his works. Any artist who remains true to himself becomes a work of art himself, because that is one of the most difficult things to do. If someone does have that vocation, and diligently applies himself to the exigencies that arise, he will lose a great deal but he will have created his own character.”

―Leonard Cohen: Remembering the Life and Legacy of the Poet of Brokenness, Rolling Stone, Nov 2016

I have been away dear friends! I remain deeply grateful to your visits this side, am sometimes pleasantly surprised by some your spike in visits, the posts are some times embarrassing when look back, but it subsided the pain of the moment and are true. Like Leonard Cohen’s above quote from a Rolling Stone tribute to the great man,

Have a good day dear friends! Today is ” Diwali” festival of lights here, to all of you familiar with same ” Happy Diwali”  to every one else, as always much love.

I think we must be true to ourselves in journey, it’s an incredible journey for all of us…

Love and light, Suresh



When you are you..

9 Sep

” When your life is always a part of your surroundings—in
other words, when you are called back to yourself, in the
present moment—then there is no problem. When you
start to wander about in some delusion which is something
apart from you yourself, then your surroundings are not real
anymore, and your mind is not real anymore. If you yourself
are deluded, then your surroundings are also a misty, foggy
delusion. Once you are in the midst of delusion, there is no
end to delusion. You will be involved in deluded ideas one
after another. Most people live in delusion, involved in their
problem, trying to solve their problem. But just to live is
actually to live in problems. And to solve the problem is to
be a part of it, to be one with it.”

― Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

“When you are you, you see things as they are, and you
become one with your surroundings.” ( Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind)

I want to go back to myself. I am always trying to go back to myself.  I miss blogging. I will try to be regular. I will post on my work holidays. Apologies for being away dear friends.

Have a good day!

Love, Suresh

The boy and reflections on the road

30 Jul

“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere – on water and land.”
― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

I have been little under the weather and mostly trying to do small things for home – curtains, some fittings, little stuff, it keeps me and my brother busy on weekends. I  squeezed a day trip for a family function. I kept on reflecting…

― I realized for many  of us who are lost in thoughts, there is a world out there which is action oriented.

― Every town ship, private university, school that has come up has been someone’s thoughts  translated into action. Massive action. For action to be productive must be logical and prudent. It doesn’t work otherwise.

― I realized you cannot fit into another person’s world. You need to create your own world. You make daily little choices? Who am I ? What can I do in this situation? Has the ecology changed? How do I make it better?

― One cannot  go back to one’s own roots. The root’s are in shambles, your father gone, the memory alive and actor’s gone. You never know how the actor’s have shaped up?

― Love is a experience you carry. It is  never easy. You wonder about people? May be you think too much? You were born that way and you can’t do much, you love them anyway..

― I  had a realization some time ago that you need to look for a secure sense of self within yourself. It’s not easy and that things are transient. A friend of mine had some years ago pointed ” If you look carefully  even feelings change” is that true?

― A software engineer cum tarot card reader friend had told me ” Always don’t think about doing great work and enjoy yourself”.  I am now more into giving total attention to what is available work than anything else. I want to enjoy myself . How do I start?

― You can survive a monotonous routine called ” stability” only by exercising and having a hobby or a passion.  This am very sure. Otherwise you will have to shake your head wildly as when a quack when writes a prescription or bang your head like a metal fan.

― The young are wonderful, you love them, knowing fully well some will end up as discredited ones. You let them be and wish well.

― You learnt ” people actions may seem harsh but they did not have bad intentions”. They are your well wishers. It’s complex.  You keep working and chipping at this, to make it better or palatable. There is no secret sauce here.

― As said earlier, you build your work, you build your family, you make choices, you choose your people, a greater commune perhaps or a purpose. You make your own world.  Jiddu Krishnamurty had said ” You are the world .” In other words ” World is you.”

― I am building my world, like every one else is building theirs, our world should converge more and more. ” La manic as the great french canadian song by Georges Dor…

― The self realization bug bite me at sixteen otherwise would have been a scientist. I had read Frijtop Kapra, Richard Feynman early. Science is my first love. I also wanted to be a writer.

― True work, True love, Buy a house. These were jottings in my little diary.The last one is ticked, now the other two.. I have always been sincere to family.

― Lastly met a boy the day before at a store. I asked him quietly as am wont to ” Do you find time to study? Is this a full time job?”   He replied ” This is not my first job. My family is fine. I have worked at few places. I am studying. But you don’t get a good job just because of studies. People also come up because of talent.” He told me assuredly. I asked him his name, told him mine, took my gift article, wished him well as other people looked at me strangely and left the store in a rainy night. There is always a soul like you in this world. You were the same like the boy. I hope the handsome boy does well.

These are my thoughts today. I am building a world, good luck to yours, we must converge more and have less walls & boundaries….

Have a easy Sunday dear friends!

Love, Suresh


Questions ( Answers)

19 Jul

Some days are bad. I find it difficult to drive back home.  My faculties are stretched to it’s limit. I possibly cannot make more effort. May be have done all I could. Is it enough? Will I survive and find my rightful place? Who is my friend? Who is my companion? Where do I go now? Whom should i speak to ?  How do I study? How to make a living with integrity and hardwork ? Am I arrogant?  What is top of your game without opportunity? Who decides what you are? Where did she go? Whom is she sleeping with? What is love? What is Success ? How do I provision for home loan payouts? Will thinking about ideas help? Am I clear eyed? Am I fucked?

When was young had many questions. I had questions all the time. I waited for my father to come home from work. Some times asked him and he mostly forgave me. I found peace with him. I never spoke yet found peace with him. My friends were helpful with questions.

I always had questions and approximate beliefs and possible answers. I am still the same. Does it means have no convictions? Of course not. Here is what am sure of so far:

– Health is most important thing. It should be your first priority. It includes peace and playfulness.

– Education and skill is second most important thing. It will give you opportunities and help you meet right people early.

– Work is third most important thing. It could be anything you like and you do it for yourself.

– Family is what you are born into and you must love them unconditionally.

– Friends and a network is important. The former keeps you stable and later decides on your success quotient.

– Have a goal and a purpose. It could be to plant a tree, sports, science, a quest , a something..

I think discount all opinions including myself.  My goal is to succeed in a vocation. I find it deeply embarrassing & painful otherwise. My purpose is to start a food bank in my father’s name and support at least one municipal school with mid day meals for poor students. I must earn more to save for same.  I will explore this. All ideas are welcome..

As always broken, driven, confused and in a quest. But loving all the time..

Have a good day dear friends!

Love, Suresh


Hello – 7/7/2017

7 Jul

Hello every one!

I have been not regular on the blog and apologies for same. I feel very humble and grateful people that people would come this side and read mostly self absorbed musings. Here is the thing on my mind..

– Prime minister Modi is visiting Israel and that’s a great step forward. Every body knows about Operation Entebbe and Israel’s  great thrust in technology.  I once met a girl in a Israeli company.  She was very good. But has the foreign policy changed ? Has the norm of consensus on matters of foreign policy changed? I wouldn’t know..

– Economics is all right of center now. I don’t get it. State does have a role to play as the inequities are horrible. Let start ups do start ups. State must not abdicate it’s responsibility in health, education, infrastructure, agriculture  and not chase rating companies.

– I have a feeling , cannot be friends with young, cannot be friends with old, can be friends only with yourself? Whatever happened ? used to be friends with everyone, although still love every one.

– Life has it’s own rhythm and reality regardless of  opinions about each other and it’s a base reality.  It’s pointless to blame any one or yourself.  Why invest in opinions?

– This is my second career. I want to go for my goals. I am going for it. First phase still gives me horrors. I am building life brick by brick again. I will need all the support.

–  Remember Goethe ” There are but two roads that lead to an important goal and to the doing of great things: strength and perseverance. Strength is the lot of but a few priveledged men; but austere perseverance, harsh and continuous, may be employed by the smallest of us and rarely fails of its purpose, for its silent power grows irresistibly greater with time.” ( Johann Wolfgang von Goethe). If he is right, will get somewhere someplace.

-I am deeply grateful to every one who has thought of me, supported me and been kind to me. Nobody does anything by themselves and that’s a mirage.  I owe my career to people who gave me chances and to friends who gave me hope.

– I took my mother to the doctor, who refreshingly gave her advise ” To be happy” and though she is trying hard . I think it’s good advise. Do I worry? every day? Should I be happy? Yes …

I think all of us deserve to be happy and healthy. I really hope so…

I have to go to work. Be happy dear friends!

Love, Suresh






The Partisan

24 Jun

“Oh, the wind, the wind is blowing,
through the graves the wind is blowing,
freedom soon will come;
then we’ll come from the shadows.”

― Leonard Cohen, The Partisan

I have been away from Blogging. My friend always reminds me to write. I am at a crossroads of life, work and perhaps age. I don’t feel it but one can’t deny in four or five years time will be at a threshold. I had developed a strange fear of being judged. Something that never ever had…


People judge you all the time. I had paid the price and losses had accumulated. I just found it hard to trust people, situations enough. I just felt the whole world, good and bad had a strange convoluted sense of preservation and personal interest. Every body has a logic and thought process. It is very right. It always had the same result.

The whole world takes liberty with innocence and nice people, every one takes a stab, it’s not that they don’t know it, it’s the death  of innocence in a way, you grow into a shadow of yourself, you don’t even recognize self…

But who are you?

Who am I?, What do I want?, What does the situation demand? ( Deepak Chopra writes in a note ” Why consciousness is the biggest secret to success”)

I want to go back to myself slowly, live without fear, work without fear, to be own self..

Fear was not in my toolkit, it was enforced on my life by people who nakedly followed self interest and some are  not worth mentioning… but fear is good, learnt in life, it keeps you aware. It avoids losses.

I have to fight. That’s my fundamental DNA. I can never forsake courage. Otherwise would not have survived. I never compromised on character.   I feel in life- content, relationships, integrity all are needed in equal measure. I was hurt with relationships. One has learnt it has something to do with one’s actions. You become discreet. Yes one is judged all the time. So be it. I decided to revisit my old tools – run and meditation. Ran after a while today…


It was raining nevertheless ran like have done for last twenty years to forget the heaviness of heart and feeling.  Your energies stagnate if you don’t move, it get’s darker. I had nothing in life apart from hope, two friends, run and book for many years. I am actually quite happy with pulling of all those early assignments with spirit, hard work and self reliance.   My friends were kind, generous with love and spirit. I achieved some of my family goals. I lived the good start up story.

I wanted to run. May be it’s like the wild dance or a revolt. Nobody knows you. No body knows the path you had to take. Yet everybody judges you. Let’s make it worthwhile for them.

I have a house now which bought with a bank loan and a steady job. You are all invited to my home in this city..

I want to fight the good fight and live with awareness. Iam grateful too. Remember then always : Who am I?, What do I want?, What does the situation demand?…

I hope don’t fall sick running in rain after all not that young anymore…

Yes am The partisan, the fighter of good fight ( refer world war two)…

Goodnight dear friends!  Thanks for coming to my blog as always and reading my little musings..

Grateful and love, Suresh



Vinod Khanna

1 May


Vinod Khanna was my favorite actor along with Shashi Kapoor and Amitabh Bachchan. I watched many of their movies and enjoyed it immensely. It was only entertainment for lower middle class upbringing.  Those movies were simple stories often resembling localized westerns. They were called multi starrers for some reason and those actors had distinct personalities. I think they were singularly responsible for keeping a large otherwise deprived audience happy with their movie parts and stories.  Vinod khanna’s passing away made me sad. One of my heroes is no more.

I watched many movies of Vinod Khanna. Nobody walked like him, few looked like him and had a most beautiful smile. He played villain and hero both with panache and style. He played rural and urban characterizations with ease and sensitivity. I do not know mechanics of acting and am sure people loved him in those portrayals. He had soulful eyes and a great personality. He could have been a hollywood hero like a Burt Reynolds or Clint Eastwood.

I read while in school that he had given up his acting career to take a spiritual detour with Osho Rajneesh. I read he became a gardener in Osho’s commune first in Pune and then in Oregon. He was a big star and to give up all that is ” bravery” or may be ” renunciation” thought then. I myself read Osho in my teenage years. I could understand ” why”.  He later came back and joined films and later politics and became a minister. Few people straddle one world with conviction, he did three – movies, spirituality and politics.  A very brave and beautiful man in my opinion.  If you read or saw his interviews, he always came across very human, very dignified and  aware.

I of course never met him given my station in life. I followed his life and movies with interest. I loved his dignity and sensitive portrayals on screen. Rarely you would a find a man’s man and a beautiful heart. These are my assessments.

Please read some tributes by great Indian artistes on Vinod Khanna

He said one of his favorite songs was from his movie ” Mere Apne” ” Koi hota jisko apna keh lete yaaron pas nahi to dur hota lekin koi mera apna…” ( I wish there was somebody who was mine, if not near far atleast, some one whom could call mine…) It’s one of my favorite songs too…

So look here is the thing, people who are seekers are not escapist, they are braver than most, innocent in their longing, total in their path…

Vinod Khanna is beautiful man who was total in all his path’s…movies, spirituality, politics.

I Loved Vinod khanna and learnt from his last speech ( refer youtube) to work with total awareness….

My generation’s heroes are gone : Leonard Cohen, Vinod Khanna….both influenced me with their work, life  and dignity.

I was compelled to return to blog. I will continue to share all that is important to this little self as and when.

Till then do remember Vinod Khanna  and as prime minister of India , Narendra Modi tweeted ” Will always remember Vinod Khanna as a popular actor, dedicated leader and a wonderful human. ”  and President of India, Pranab Mukherjee said on Twitter “Heartfelt condolences on the passing away of Vinod Khanna, a highly talented and acclaimed actor and Member of Parliament,”

We all have to go one day. What a life and what  a sad end….

Why do good people suffer?

vinod khanna

I will always remember Vinod Khanna and ” “Agar nazarein khoobsurat ho … toh har cheez khoobsurat lagti hai.”  ( If your eyes ( outlook) is beautiful and then everything looks beautiful)…..

Love, Suresh