You do a lot to affirm your worthiness by writing. I remember a prose poem from Baudelaire in which he says- Today I betrayed three friends, I refused to give a recommendation to someone who deserves, I gave one to someone who doesn’t, I lied six or seven times, now that in my room and lock my door, let me do one thing that will justify myself to myself. That’s a very accurate picture of the process. This particular racket.
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I want to justify myself to myself. This is what brings me to blog, I don’t have an agenda or a plan. I thought once could reach out and spread. I have no such illusions. I just want to share experiences and justify myself to myself. I want to get out of the same conversations in head which have no resolution. The simple minimalist routine that embraced so far where am only the actor, audience and victim. It’s a one sided court trial that never ends. The sentence came long ago. I served sentence with dignity. Will be I free? Dylan sang in a song ” I’m love with a woman who don’t even appeal to me.” So it goes. I am tried of the scene, PR that comes from the silicon right wing …wait a minute…might get center…hype city, egotistical guys with fake wives who manage this thing called relationships, narcissists, pimps, general waster’s. I do not have a single friend in the city. Why am I even living here? Will you marry?
The child begs to buy some rice and pulses. I do so. She thanks me no end. I cannot believe the abject poverty that exists. I do not have enough resources to be kind. She keeps thanking me. I do not even smile. I wish could do more. It haunts me. I watch the bling on television the good industrialist’s wife has opened a cultural center in the big bling city. I watch the couture, movie stars and think of the child. I am with the poor. I am also with rich who drive Bentley, Audi and try to fit into clothes. Fitting into clothes seems to be such a big thing!!. I hope one day the rich will be with the poor. God, why are rich rich and poor poor?
I read Swami Vivekananda to understand about Hindu. Actually should be more invested in Indu/ Bindu than Hindu. I do not want to be brainwashed by political – priest – spiritual marketer nexus. Swami Vivekananda’s views are embracing of all religious faiths. I quote:
Much has been said of the common ground of religious unity. I am not going just now to venture my own theory. But if any one here hopes that this unity will come by the triumph of any one of the religions and the destruction of the others, to him I say, “Brother, yours is an impossible hope.” Do I wish that the Christian would become Hindu? God forbid. Do I wish that the Hindu or Buddhist would become Christian? God forbid. The seed is put in the ground, and earth and air and water are placed around it. Does the seed become the earth; or the air, or the water? No. It becomes a plant, it develops after the law of its own growth, assimilates the air, the earth, and the water, converts them into plant substance, and grows into a plant. Similar is the case with religion. The Christian is not to become a Hindu or a Buddhist, nor a Hindu or a Buddhist to become a Christian. But each must assimilate the spirit of the others and yet preserve his individuality and grow according to his own law of growth
― Complete works of Swami Vivekananda
In my journey have discovered all faiths have a purpose and there is something special in every religion – Azaan in a mosque, prayer in gurdwara, prayer in a church, chanting in a temple, zen meditation retreat….I love it all. It’s dissolving of self. No self as Buddhists calls it. Am all for divinity. Just remove the politician – priest nexus. I want to visit Golden Temple, Churches of Goa, Ajmer Sharif and that temple of Love – Taj Mahal. Will you come?
I want to share pictures of an animal whom love who sometimes goes berserk on a street or a village otherwise is most humble being on this planet. The Elephant. This elephant from my village temple.Lets call him Nair!
The Elephant whisperers documentary/short won a Academy award. I wish to see it some time. Watching Deepika Padukone and Shah rukh Khan sing ” Baat karte hain hazoro…hazaro ” is awesome. I want to watch Elephant Whisperers.
I actually do my bit to help, give a recommendation where I can, remain grateful to every gesture and deed of thoughtfulness, my friend gave a watch, another friend introduced to a mentor, another with a legal matter…more. My kind of friends are kind. Will you come?
I wish to justify myself to myself. I sometimes like my elephant friend – Nair can go crazy, but mostly its good…
This for today friends!
Sincerely, Suresh
neverlamentcasually 
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