Archive | July, 2017

The boy and reflections on the road

30 Jul

“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere – on water and land.”
― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

I have been little under the weather and mostly trying to do small things for home – curtains, some fittings, little stuff, it keeps me and my brother busy on weekends. I  squeezed a day trip for a family function. I kept on reflecting…

― I realized for many  of us who are lost in thoughts, there is a world out there which is action oriented.

― Every town ship, private university, school that has come up has been someone’s thoughts  translated into action. Massive action. For action to be productive must be logical and prudent. It doesn’t work otherwise.

― I realized you cannot fit into another person’s world. You need to create your own world. You make daily little choices? Who am I ? What can I do in this situation? Has the ecology changed? How do I make it better?

― One cannot  go back to one’s own roots. The root’s are in shambles, your father gone, the memory alive and actor’s gone. You never know how the actor’s have shaped up?

― Love is a experience you carry. It is  never easy. You wonder about people? May be you think too much? You were born that way and you can’t do much, you love them anyway..

― I  had a realization some time ago that you need to look for a secure sense of self within yourself. It’s not easy and that things are transient. A friend of mine had some years ago pointed ” If you look carefully  even feelings change” is that true?

― A software engineer cum tarot card reader friend had told me ” Always don’t think about doing great work and enjoy yourself”.  I am now more into giving total attention to what is available work than anything else. I want to enjoy myself . How do I start?

― You can survive a monotonous routine called ” stability” only by exercising and having a hobby or a passion.  This am very sure. Otherwise you will have to shake your head wildly as when a quack when writes a prescription or bang your head like a metal fan.

― The young are wonderful, you love them, knowing fully well some will end up as discredited ones. You let them be and wish well.

― You learnt ” people actions may seem harsh but they did not have bad intentions”. They are your well wishers. It’s complex.  You keep working and chipping at this, to make it better or palatable. There is no secret sauce here.

― As said earlier, you build your work, you build your family, you make choices, you choose your people, a greater commune perhaps or a purpose. You make your own world.  Jiddu Krishnamurty had said ” You are the world .” In other words ” World is you.”

― I am building my world, like every one else is building theirs, our world should converge more and more. ” La manic as the great french canadian song by Georges Dor…

― The self realization bug bite me at sixteen otherwise would have been a scientist. I had read Frijtop Kapra, Richard Feynman early. Science is my first love. I also wanted to be a writer.

― True work, True love, Buy a house. These were jottings in my little diary.The last one is ticked, now the other two.. I have always been sincere to family.

― Lastly met a boy the day before at a store. I asked him quietly as am wont to ” Do you find time to study? Is this a full time job?”   He replied ” This is not my first job. My family is fine. I have worked at few places. I am studying. But you don’t get a good job just because of studies. People also come up because of talent.” He told me assuredly. I asked him his name, told him mine, took my gift article, wished him well as other people looked at me strangely and left the store in a rainy night. There is always a soul like you in this world. You were the same like the boy. I hope the handsome boy does well.

These are my thoughts today. I am building a world, good luck to yours, we must converge more and have less walls & boundaries….

Have a easy Sunday dear friends!

Love, Suresh

 

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Questions ( Answers)

19 Jul

Some days are bad. I find it difficult to drive back home.  My faculties are stretched to it’s limit. I possibly cannot make more effort. May be have done all I could. Is it enough? Will I survive and find my rightful place? Who is my friend? Who is my companion? Where do I go now? Whom should i speak to ?  How do I study? How to make a living with integrity and hardwork ? Am I arrogant?  What is top of your game without opportunity? Who decides what you are? Where did she go? Whom is she sleeping with? What is love? What is Success ? How do I provision for home loan payouts? Will thinking about ideas help? Am I clear eyed? Am I fucked?

When was young had many questions. I had questions all the time. I waited for my father to come home from work. Some times asked him and he mostly forgave me. I found peace with him. I never spoke yet found peace with him. My friends were helpful with questions.

I always had questions and approximate beliefs and possible answers. I am still the same. Does it means have no convictions? Of course not. Here is what am sure of so far:

– Health is most important thing. It should be your first priority. It includes peace and playfulness.

– Education and skill is second most important thing. It will give you opportunities and help you meet right people early.

– Work is third most important thing. It could be anything you like and you do it for yourself.

– Family is what you are born into and you must love them unconditionally.

– Friends and a network is important. The former keeps you stable and later decides on your success quotient.

– Have a goal and a purpose. It could be to plant a tree, sports, science, a quest , a something..

I think discount all opinions including myself.  My goal is to succeed in a vocation. I find it deeply embarrassing & painful otherwise. My purpose is to start a food bank in my father’s name and support at least one municipal school with mid day meals for poor students. I must earn more to save for same.  I will explore this. All ideas are welcome..

As always broken, driven, confused and in a quest. But loving all the time..

Have a good day dear friends!

Love, Suresh

 

Hello – 7/7/2017

7 Jul

Hello every one!

I have been not regular on the blog and apologies for same. I feel very humble and grateful people that people would come this side and read mostly self absorbed musings. Here is the thing on my mind..

– Prime minister Modi is visiting Israel and that’s a great step forward. Every body knows about Operation Entebbe and Israel’s  great thrust in technology.  I once met a girl in a Israeli company.  She was very good. But has the foreign policy changed ? Has the norm of consensus on matters of foreign policy changed? I wouldn’t know..

– Economics is all right of center now. I don’t get it. State does have a role to play as the inequities are horrible. Let start ups do start ups. State must not abdicate it’s responsibility in health, education, infrastructure, agriculture  and not chase rating companies.

– I have a feeling , cannot be friends with young, cannot be friends with old, can be friends only with yourself? Whatever happened ? used to be friends with everyone, although still love every one.

– Life has it’s own rhythm and reality regardless of  opinions about each other and it’s a base reality.  It’s pointless to blame any one or yourself.  Why invest in opinions?

– This is my second career. I want to go for my goals. I am going for it. First phase still gives me horrors. I am building life brick by brick again. I will need all the support.

–  Remember Goethe ” There are but two roads that lead to an important goal and to the doing of great things: strength and perseverance. Strength is the lot of but a few priveledged men; but austere perseverance, harsh and continuous, may be employed by the smallest of us and rarely fails of its purpose, for its silent power grows irresistibly greater with time.” ( Johann Wolfgang von Goethe). If he is right, will get somewhere someplace.

-I am deeply grateful to every one who has thought of me, supported me and been kind to me. Nobody does anything by themselves and that’s a mirage.  I owe my career to people who gave me chances and to friends who gave me hope.

– I took my mother to the doctor, who refreshingly gave her advise ” To be happy” and though she is trying hard . I think it’s good advise. Do I worry? every day? Should I be happy? Yes …

I think all of us deserve to be happy and healthy. I really hope so…

I have to go to work. Be happy dear friends!

Love, Suresh