Archive | June, 2017

The Partisan

24 Jun

“Oh, the wind, the wind is blowing,
through the graves the wind is blowing,
freedom soon will come;
then we’ll come from the shadows.”

― Leonard Cohen, The Partisan

I have been away from Blogging. My friend always reminds me to write. I am at a crossroads of life, work and perhaps age. I don’t feel it but one can’t deny in four or five years time will be at a threshold. I had developed a strange fear of being judged. Something that never ever had…

Why?

People judge you all the time. I had paid the price and losses had accumulated. I just found it hard to trust people, situations enough. I just felt the whole world, good and bad had a strange convoluted sense of preservation and personal interest. Every body has a logic and thought process. It is very right. It always had the same result.

The whole world takes liberty with innocence and nice people, every one takes a stab, it’s not that they don’t know it, it’s the death  of innocence in a way, you grow into a shadow of yourself, you don’t even recognize self…

But who are you?

Who am I?, What do I want?, What does the situation demand? ( Deepak Chopra writes in a note ” Why consciousness is the biggest secret to success”)

I want to go back to myself slowly, live without fear, work without fear, to be own self..

Fear was not in my toolkit, it was enforced on my life by people who nakedly followed self interest and some are  not worth mentioning… but fear is good, learnt in life, it keeps you aware. It avoids losses.

I have to fight. That’s my fundamental DNA. I can never forsake courage. Otherwise would not have survived. I never compromised on character.   I feel in life- content, relationships, integrity all are needed in equal measure. I was hurt with relationships. One has learnt it has something to do with one’s actions. You become discreet. Yes one is judged all the time. So be it. I decided to revisit my old tools – run and meditation. Ran after a while today…

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It was raining nevertheless ran like have done for last twenty years to forget the heaviness of heart and feeling.  Your energies stagnate if you don’t move, it get’s darker. I had nothing in life apart from hope, two friends, run and book for many years. I am actually quite happy with pulling of all those early assignments with spirit, hard work and self reliance.   My friends were kind, generous with love and spirit. I achieved some of my family goals. I lived the good start up story.

I wanted to run. May be it’s like the wild dance or a revolt. Nobody knows you. No body knows the path you had to take. Yet everybody judges you. Let’s make it worthwhile for them.

I have a house now which bought with a bank loan and a steady job. You are all invited to my home in this city..

I want to fight the good fight and live with awareness. Iam grateful too. Remember then always : Who am I?, What do I want?, What does the situation demand?…

I hope don’t fall sick running in rain after all not that young anymore…

Yes am The partisan, the fighter of good fight ( refer world war two)…

Goodnight dear friends!  Thanks for coming to my blog as always and reading my little musings..

Grateful and love, Suresh

 

 

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