My journey

5 Mar

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.”

― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

I have a colleague in office who has come back from a near death situation. He was in ICU for few months due to a road accident. He speaks to me every day around seven thirty in evening  when most have left for home. He generally needs reassurance . I listen to him and do my bit. Sometimes he is innocuous and sometimes he stuns me with his new found wisdom. We are never rendered same after a life changing experience. He said a few days ago looking at me deeply ” You must have made just one mistake…….” He apologized but was stunned. It is true.” I have made one mistake…”….

Before that a journey in pictures.

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I guess few years ago and somewhere in my thirties. Few lost years. My assignments were good but never got a big break. I searched , soul searched, talked to friends & walked to sanity.

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Again somewhere in thirties. I had really worked hard and done good assignments. I do not claim am the best but my work was always responsible. I have always been sure. Yet lost years. I spoke to friends, studied spirituality, walked and run my way to sanity. I realized business world is cruel.

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I did three to four assignments. Then an colleague got in touch and after many  many interviews got a break again in industry with Polaris. I was forty two. I broke free of assignments with a steady Job. It’s not been easy. The company got acquired. I remain grateful.

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Age forty three celebrating birthday alone two years ago with a chocolate donut and coffee. I had a job but my life style remained same. Long walks, run or going to temples or book shops. May be lost the art of making friends. Since spent so much time alone.

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I bought a house at age forty four a year ago. I will move in few months.  This where am right now age forty five..

Here’s what have seen or learnt:

– Life is not just about grades, jobs, money or success. I spent numerous hours in hospitals in cities for family. It’s incredibly difficult and solitary journey.

– Talent when rebellious does not conform to societal aspirations or follows the same path. Talent when conformist takes societal clues of grades, jobs, marriage or what ever. But talent is talent whether conformist or non conformist.

– When was young thought priests were a scam, but as got older learnt greedy people are scams.

–  Time is most essential or rather timing is essential.The things that matter when child, adolescence, twenties, thirties, more are not the same.

– The world has moved from prerestroika, liberalisation, globalisation back to nationalisation, Brexit and Far right every where. The more we change, the more we remain same. Why make progress?

– A teacher told me – you should remember three people always – Gandhi, Marx, Buddha. I suggest more options – Gandhi, Mandela, Buddha. Or Gandhi, Mandela, Mother Teresa. Or my choice -Gandhi, Richard Feynman and Leonard Cohen.

– Zen and life taught me all jobs are good. No job is bigger or lesser.  I saw a kennedy centre tribute to Robert De Niro ” He burned a hole even in shoe string productions…”

– Every one has a constituency. Even the most lout and creepy. I was surprised when some one came and asked ” Where did he go and don’t see him around….”  I could only smile

– Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Sam Altman may be the people who will change this world.

– Do I think world is a computer simulation? Of course , just check the guy whose hairstyle defies gravity…

– You may or may not succeed in Love. But love makes you a better person. I learnt hard work, quit cigarettes, spent time with my ailing parents…

– There are incredibly kind people in this world. I am a product of kindness of my friends. You never know where you will meet them..

– Even if people disagree with you or take different paths, they are good people..

– Sense of humour is important, it keeps you happy …..

There is more, we will keep covering and revisiting them in posts, like my favorite actor De Niro said in a commencement speech” Without pain what will we talk about…”

I want to go back to early love of science. If you really like rational thought or physics do check Elon Musk TED talk few years ago..

I never could consider marriage given my journey, every good person has advised me to get married, forty five and seeking now, we will see how that pans out..

Did I make a mistake?

Yes one mistake ” Screwed up my education ” I tried catch up but it’s been difficult ..

So my colleague has a god’s voice and he is right…

My journey thus far..

I have no clue where tomorrow will end up. My focus is on today.

This for today dear friends. Every journey is important.Not only ours. But every ones.

Have a good day dear friends!

Love, Suresh

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