Back to life..

15 Oct

The doctor asked me did you get your tests done? How’s your mother? You have a family history? did you ever get your blood sugar tests done?  I protested feebly ” I ate too many sweets today? I drank lemon with honey as am used to? He said to chuck it. Get tests done.

I realized my current lifestyle is not sustainable. I had spilled two cups of tea in office yesterday. I never did that earlier. I realized something was wrong.

– My almost 12 hours work day which includes commute is taking its toll. I do not have a solution  of now. I must make it less stressful.

– I wish to pursue excellence.  Not unbridled ambition. I want to focus on present. Results may take care of itself.

– I will never have those grades. I will never reach my early aspirations. I will never understand why loved ones made those decisions. I will never know why went through career transition. I will never understand why. I must accept and make peace.

– ” Too much love will kill you ” my favorite singer sang. I loved too much. Well …it still haunts me. I  wake up some times in a dream or feel vulnerable while driving. I must make peace and accept for sake of health. I can never stop loving them though.

– I like my simple life – run, read and pray. Street food on weekends . I need to find two hours for myself. One hour to run or walk. Half an hour to read and half an hour to blog or just laze. I need to do that.

– I am not young. I cannot behave like young. I must take care of myself.

– I will stop eating sweets, biscuits, fruit bread all of which ate in last two days like a mad man. I somewhere have behavioral traits of a male stray dog guess. Mindless excitement for nothing and laziness.

– I will stop drinking mindless coffee cups from coffee machine at work. I did that keep my eyes open in a project. I will stick to green tea at home.

– I will do my best at work mindfully. I do not need any praise or rewards. I  want to work and  want my health back..that’s all.

– Procrastination has been my biggest weakness. I really need to address that and do what have to do. This should really help. I will try my best.

–  I need to talk to my two friends once a week. At least once in a fortnight. They are good for my health.

– I must find right companion. I think this is destiny. But then our will is god’s will…

– I do feel  happy when hear from my sister or talk to my brother.

So let’s hope do this. Then may be go for tests.

My little plan to salvage life.

Good night dear friends. My state today.

Have a good day!

Love, Suresh


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