Forty – five

22 Mar

“Why is it,” he said, one time, at the subway entrance, “I feel I’ve known you so many years?”
“Because I like you,” she said, “and I don’t want anything from you.”

―  Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 

Is forty five seminal. I wouldn’t know. I don’t know. I feel the two decades have passed quickly and have leapfrogged from twenty five to forty five. Now that have mentioned too many times must be old. I don’t know. Here is a confession then, dropped out of world of  relationships  and met only few people who were kind enough to reach out to me. I felt could not afford relationships at twenty five. I had a personal and family struggle. I put my focus there. I gave my best to people whom met at work. My world comprised of family, two friends, memories and a spirit that needed steel and nurture. I  missed adult experiences. I was a seeker. I had a quest. I discovered the spiritual and found little space. One goes through one’s search. I had  realised from actor Vinod Khanna’s interviews. I also learnt spiritual is another drug if you are not aware and consumes you totally. I am no body to judge. To quote Leonard Cohen from a Polish concert from eighties ” There is a judgement above all that governs us..”. I trust that judgement. I think believe in Karma. I also believe in free will. We create our destiny. It comes from pack of cards we are dealt with. It’s what we choose to do with them is our force of destiny. Thus self responsibility is destiny. Self management is destiny.

Did I make a mistake? Possibly, may be not, me was playing cards of my destiny. I realised Love and respect goes together. One without other has no meaning. I realised talent will not lead anywhere and you need to do right things to get  results. Success is about work we do. It is an act. It is about strategies. It is a set of competencies. That is why we see some disagreeable people who deservedly succeed. Donald Trump? I also learnt surrender will give you peace. You need a will and a drive for accomplishment. Thus there is no black and white. We can’t escape necessary struggles. As the master says ”  To locate a self .A self which is not fixed. A self which struggles for its existence.”( Cohen)  That’s all. I would urge every one to be happy – if they have an option. If they don’t have an option – to still be happy and you will find some kind people.

I wish to go back to relationships. That is my goal. Have I sorted all struggles. No. The insight is to go back to world and have relationships. I had so many friends one time. This is what want to do. To have good relationships.

So what did I do on my birthday, spent time with my sister and child and a cake..

010 (3)

This for today dear friends!  I was thinking every one is either too young or a fixed self, am neither, may be search is for a active happy spirit..

I dedicate this post to my two great friends. To every one who found anything favourable in my existence. I was an idiot to cop out of relationships 🙂

Be well and stay happy dear friends! Have a good day!

Love, Suresh

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