Appetite to study

30 May

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”

―  Leonard Cohen, Anthem

I had a realization that ” I have no friends, just people who like or dislike me.”  I have only two friends really and do not speak to them as often as would like to. They are married. I am grateful that always had few well wishers. I had joined social media only to connect with people whom liked, my family and people of like minded interests.

I tried to connect with most innocent phase of life – School. Even that didn’t work. I once over heard a conversation ” Suresh met me after some 18 years and ….”. I understood and never pressed again.  My teacher has been most wonderful to me though. I am very grateful. I only have good feelings.

Life happens differently to different people, other wise life would be homogeneous drab like Indianised Chinese noodles or like gremlins from Steven spielberg’s movie. For some reason never forgot the movie ( Gremlins)  which had seen in childhood. I have seen few movies. I want to see ” Piku”.

I also believe life makes us meet people whom we deserve to meet. I  met some special people. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom ( Marcel Proust). We always meet the people we are supposed to meet. This is my firm belief and life experience. Nothing is incidental. We always get to learn something or become better people or our soul blossoms like the great french writer says. Some we love unconditionally for no reason. Some have something to teach us.

Yes, am inspired by the young interns with whom have been working for two months. I have always liked the young minds and want them to reach their fullest potential. In the process, some of their goodness rubbed on me slowly and subconsciously. I realised – I want to study.  I have been a learner all my life. But I want to study a formal course now. I confessed to them as they are reaching their end of internship and getting ready to go back to school. So together we decided on a course. I realised the fees are beyond me now. But will prepare for GMAT.  I am thinking of studies after 20 years. I already have a job. I would wish to do a Executive MBA from a global B – School.  I also want to conquer my demons about being able to study. May be this is my last struggle.

My mother wants me to do other things – get married, buy a new house, do something about ancestral home. I get scared of her dreams – I have no means. But I know what must do first – Every one tells me to find a companion, my friend, my mother, my uncle, every one. I don’t know how to go about it.  After that can plan my life. But I will start preparations for study. I will study like my father wished me to, get up early in the morning and study..

I have no idea whether will  accomplish my dream to study. I will try. But first things first ” get married first Sir ” young boy told me, he is my hero….

I do wish to speak to some of my school friends again..

I went for a walk. My mother forced me to walk. The leg is little better. It will take  more time to heal. Yes,  will never again run on stairs chasing a water bottle…would rather chase my dream 🙂

” Who is wise? One who learns from all. ”

― The Talmud

Good night friends! Hope you have a good weekend!

Love, Suresh

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