More thoughts

3 May

I wish to take off from yesterday and share more thoughts. Random thoughts. This is my own little space where will not be crucified hopefully for sharing thoughts every other social media has its’s own mavens. Iam no expert. I want to share my ideas with the world and be honest about its conflictions and  apparent shortcomings. As a hero of mine said once ” I have no insurance plan for my work. ”  Me too.

I went to my sister’s place today and its a little outing for my mother and brother. My sister completes us all. She has a little baby now. I look at the baby in wonder. She is small and a mirror reflection of my sister. I am scared of holding a two month baby and her eyes are intense. I am scared. I have never held a child.  I keep looking at the child and waving at her foolishly. My mother is happy. My brother communicates with the child. I am happy to see my mother, my brother and sister happy.  I keep looking at the child in wonder. I never had this experience before. I have never had a child before, you see..

I had carried ” Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and the sea”. I had liked reading at my sister’s place. I do not read. I look at child and enter into a little conversation with my sister about family. The discussion true to ourselves never goes any where. Me nature. We are a strange loving family, very connected and very committed without a consensus, at least we love each other and are there for each other. Never mind. We all like to spend time together. As for my plans, will see..

I send a message to one time good friend. It’s never answered. Disregard or no connection. May be not. May be its my fault. I don’t know. I have only fond memories. As the master sang ” You have never been tempted by a demon or a god, you who stand above them now..”  I wish would be less impulsive. I like my space  here even more..

I sometimes feel identities are too dense and too cast in stone. It need not be so. But who am I to pontificate any one or to the world? I find identities limiting. Let’s check this. I am a Indian. I am a Hindu. I am a malyalee. Iam a coconut. Isn’t it limiting ?We are all human beings and we are bonded by unbounded grace of the one above or this magnificent brutal existence. We are incredibly lucky to be where we are. It could have been different. I had read long ago that man must fully experience material progress to learn that it’s not all. There is so single version of truth. We are all in this jigsaw puzzle and why be mutually exclusive about it.? Am i making sense or am i sounding  like one of my teachers from my first school who used to say in one breath ” Don’t taalk. Give me chaalk”. May be am a coconut. That is my true identity. Never mind.

My sister and my mother prepare lunch. We eat ice creams. They are incredibly generous. I watch a interview of one of the best editors and policy makers of India, atleast in my opinion , Arun Shourie. He is very erudite and prescient. He was a great editor before he became a policy maker. I wonder why he is not in government. No wonder a good unbiased man is always kept outside. He gives sane advise to government ” to be low profile and be embracing of all opposition parties. “. I think it’s very good advise. I want to be the same too. I want to be less active on social media. I just want to state my thoughts here as much as can. I must work on impulsiveness. A new meditation for me ” Breathing in, am happy with my lot . Breathing out there is no need to project  outward like a sprinkler irrigation.”

I see very very sad stories about farmers committing suicides. It is beyond sad. India’s heartland is sufferring so much and the decision makers talk about foreign  investments and retrospective taxation.  What is the edifice of development?

Never mind am sad. I will try to write a post on same. I fall asleep in sometime and my mother gives me tea. I leave them at my sister’s home. Sometimes think who is on my side, are you, my friends are 🙂

Tomorrow will go back to work. Till we meet again here. Please spare a thought for Nepal, poor farmers in India and else where..

I will now pack some old clothes and wish to give it to charity or to some one whom see every day at a traffic signal…

This for today, good night friends, may you be happy and well! Again to quote from master ” If you knew how time passes by ( at la manic)  We must write to each  other more often and we must write of each other more often..” ( Quoting La manic Georges Dor)

The master as always is Leonard Cohen.

Hope you have a lovely day!

Love, Suresh


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