Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence :Muriel Maignan Wilkins

2 Jan

I serendipitously discovered another article on emotional intelligence. This HBR piece “Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence”  by Muriel Maignan Wilkins states :

“Here are some of the telltale signs that you need to work on your emotional intelligence:

  • You often feel like others don’t get the point and it makes you impatient and frustrated.
  • You’re surprised when others are sensitive to your comments or jokes and you think they’re overreacting.
  • You think being liked at work is overrated.
  • You weigh in early with your assertions and defend them with rigor.
  • You hold others to the same high expectations you hold for yourself.
  • You find others are to blame for most of the issues on your team.
  • You find it annoying when others expect you to know how they feel. “

I think everyone needs some help with emotional intelligence, sometime or the other, though few seem to be really calm and collected in most excruciating circumstances. It’s difficult to be unaffected. I have a feeling when we are feeling loving and joyful inside, our EI compass works naturally, every other time we need ” awareness and empathy”.

Muriel Maignan Wilkins gives four strategies to get better with emotional intelligence : To get feedback; Beware of the gap between intent and impact; press the pause button; wear both shoes ( see both sides). She writes ..

” You can’t work on a problem you don’t understand. A critical component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness — this is the ability to recognize and stay cognizant of behaviors in the moment. Whether you engage in a 360 assessment or simply ask a few people what they observe, this step is critical in heightening your sense of what you do or don’t do. And don’t just find excuses for your behavior. That defeats the purpose. Rather, listen to the feedback, try to understand it, and own it. ” ( feedback)

” Those with weak emotional intelligence often underestimate what a negative impact their words and actions have on others. They ignore the gap between what they mean to say and what others actually hear.” ( gap between intent and impact)

I think getting feedback is very important. It is our family which is  best and unbiased judge. I used to take feedback from my sister. I still work on three pointers she had told me ” emotional, judgemental and not practical.” Of course she had also added ” good heart, intelligence and communication”. And more. My close friends are also a mirror. I cherish their feedback. Otherwise would be a happy jerk guess.

I also feel sometimes we have no clue on what impact we have on others. Each person is always right from their perspective. Thus this is really  more art than science. I just stick to good intentions. If we truly care. It must be okay. The operating word is ” true”. I think we all need to be more aware of other’s feelings. We all do not react in the same way. We all have unique stories.  Thus we must try and bridge the gap between intent and impact.

Muriel Maignan Wilkins sums up ” Strengthening your emotional intelligence takes commitment, discipline, and a genuine belief in its value. With time and practice, though, you’ll find that the results you achieve far outweigh the effort it took to get there. ”

I think this is true. Please do follow link to read more. I think we can always get better and there is no end to it..

Goodnight friends! Perhaps then the best people are those who tell us our faults on our face and praise behind our backs.

Hope you have a lovely day!

Thank you!

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