My life and my career

2 Dec

” Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a streetlamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dare
Disturb the sound of silence ”

― Paul Simon ( Simon & Garfunkel ” The Sound Of Silence”)

Paul Simon is such a great songwriter. Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen and Paul Simon make an awesome trinity. I would like to add Bruce springsteen for honesty and great songs.  I have lived this song’s life. The Sound of silence. I lived a solitary life for twenty years now. It was not always like this..

I have tried to share my journey truly  and shared points from life and career. Both are intertwined. I realised. Perhaps this would be a singular such post on life and career. I want to apologize for my career to my friends from early twenties : Dr.Satish Bhide,Satish Khandare, Satish Dhavale,  Sangram Gaikwad, Sameer Unhale, Brijesh Singh, Upendra Yadav and Anil Patil. I have never forgotten them. I never forget good people.  Iam still the same person,my career is still a possibility. I hope so. I hope we meet.

As take stock on life and career. I remembered my friends. Just as love my school friends most. I love and respect these friends whom have not met for a long long time. I almost went underground. I lived solitary. Trying to find a way and some resolution. I focussed on family. I worked for my family. I always worked for family. I had no life of my own.

After failure in civil services which really took a toll on me. My father guided me to do something on own. I took a dive in entreprenuership with friends and aquaintances. I was in my twenties and so were they. I realised that we are not compatible. I had faults and so had they. But it was a great idea and we had some four aquisition interests. I did not understand ” venture capital”. So I went to university library ( Pune) and studied State bank of India reports and deciphered its risk capital. I was immature and naive. But I was chased . But I could speak to markets. And  always had the belief.

I decided to disband as differences were untenable. Also my father was diagnosed for big ” C”. My brother was not well too. I had a sister. It was difficult for me to reconcile as a twenty something. My father passed away and my brother moved to bangalore for treatment and to rehabilitate. I worked with start ups.

The only experience that had was running a start up. So was confident though was new to the world of MBA’s. I read indiatimes spirituality column to keep me sane and worked. I kept working and we worked on some great projects. I guess my entreprenuerial past was always a discomfort for them. I was told  ” Salary squeeze for all few months” . I thought it was a strategy to ask me to leave. I couldn’t survive without a salary. I had a family and was a bread winner. I was told grandiosely ” Go make a name for yourself..”  I was not given my basic papers. I had done such great projects. I was disheartened.

Next get picked for a international assignment in India. The best project and best exposure of my life. The MNC which hired me was in a aqcuisition process. So again no papers were given to me. I was heart broken. My brother was still in Rehab in Bangalore. I wanted to relocate to Bangalore to find a life for him.  My sister finished her postgrad and started working.

Both the jobs was not something asked for and both did not give me papers. Effectively first five or six years of working life. Add this to entreprenurial effort. First ten years of life’s work at a disadvantage. I was 34. I had nothing to show. Imagine not giving papers? Can there be people more vindictive or with black hearts? All of them MBA’s. I think MBA is another name for “megalomania business administration “. I have good friends and this is nothing personal. This is my working experience and factoid of life.

Now am 43 and imagine what could have achieved with papers? The great Tiger Pataudi played cricket with one eye and Imran Khan had said in a tribute ” Imagine what he could have achieved with two eyes”..

008 (2)

So this is me @ my birthday this year holding a napkin saying 43, solitary as always..

I had lot of friends when was young. It just turned out to be lonely struggle, perhap’s it’s same for all, we and our tiny miniscule destines.

Was there any silver lining ? Oh Yes :

– I had discussions with companies, VC and others when young and chased for. I worked for British Government, RM and Amazon. Imagine me did ” Amazon”.  All these before 33. I learnt so much. I did all when my father and brother was ailing. I would sleep at night in hospitals. Iam still not used to sleeping on a cot. It was a difficult period but also exciting work.

– I met head of Chinmaya Mission on a flight and he guided me like a child and blessed me. He asked about me and told me he was running 1000 schools and colleges. We were sitting next to each other. He just opened my heart. I forgot attentions of a beautiful girl beside me.

– I would meet actor Suniel shetty in Taj Connemara. Both of us were staying there. He is such a good soul and would always wish me. He was a big star then. I remember introducing him to one my excolleagues ” Stuart”. I never forgot the actor’s graciousness and good nature.

– My childhood friend and like a elder brother, spent the whole day with me in university  pacifying me. I had failed in civil services and was broken. He had started working in Theatre. He told me something which have never forgotten ” The world is a big place, don’t worry..”. I hope he remembers  little me now that he is a big actor. My deepest respects and regards to Kay Kay Menon.

– I once saw Actor Tabu at Taj West End and she is so beautiful and nice.

– A sister of missionaries of charity, told me not to spend any more money on contribution and come only after getting work and she blessed me. My sister had introduced me to Mother Teresa’s home. She was great friend before marriage. I miss her hopelessly.

– I met the nicest and most talented people from Amazon, RM and British government work. They are my friends and such good memory.

The otherside was could never socialize or meet any one as was always deeply affected by my brother’s rehabilitation in Bangalore. My heart was with him. He is fine and working so hard now. My sister has a good career and is married.

I no longer feel vulnerable and constrained as before and will choose work properly. I will work with dignity and respect. Not because of any other considerations..

The Bhagwad Gita says ” Weakness is worse than vices.” I just want to give of myself in work and work like as always did as ” consecrated action to Lord.”

To work as always with integrity, intellect and service. This time with good people and change the world.

Imagine if had not lost ten years as my mom scolds me, imagine, just imagine…..

For any one interested in my work( resume): please see,

https://neverlamentcasually.wordpress.com/2014/10/21/work-resume/

I hope better times are ahead personally and professionally.

Have a lovely day my friends. Yes hope to meet my freinds again somewhere. Till then ” In restless dreams I walked alone/Narrow streets of cobblestone/‘Neath the halo of a streetlamp/I turned my collar to the cold and damp/When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light..”

And remember and remember always :

“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called ‘the love of your fate.’ Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, ‘This is what I need.’ It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment—not discouragement—you will find the strength is there. Any disaster that you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.

Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.”

— Joseph Campbell ( A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living)

Much love and god bless, Suresh

 

 

 

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