Choose people wisely

14 Nov

I want to share this thought ” Choose people wisely.”

post today

” People inspire you or they drain you- pick them wisely.” ― Hans F. Hansen.

My friend sent me this quote.  The quote is so true.  Before that…

My mother has a freind cum distant relative who is extremely kind and loving at heart but also very combative. Her husband now seventy five and more  is a comedian who likes to talk tough. They are fine company when they are at peace.  Otherwise conversation with them is like a assault on your senses. Everything is melodramatic like a South Indian movie. My mother seems to like them a lot and me always complain ” why can’t they be normal and happy.”

I  realised that lot of people like to ” talk tough”. As if talking tough is a panacea for anything? This is a distinct male illness.  M J Akbar had coined a term in one of his articles egoelephantiasis 🙂

I think Assertiveness is good. We should take a stand. We should not be a doormat or a supplicant. There is however no need to be aggressive and put  people down. I myself made many such mistakes of crossing line from assertiveness to aggressiveness. I did not like the person had become so went back to being the person was in childhood. I have written about this in a earlier post.

I now believe it’s a great crime to make any one feel small. It hurt’s their self esteem in  unimaginable ways.

I made a conscious decision of not Criticizing. I stopped. I do not criticize anymore. I only offer my suggestion in a single line ” You know if only you could change this , it will be perfect…” . I try to focus on love and empowerment. I tried to experiment this sincerely in my last assignment. It does not work everywhere. But am not going to give up. I believe its better to empower people than criticize.

I also observed when we are always critical of others and combative, then we cannot be at peace. Acceptance is peace.  We must always point out areas of suggestion or improvement in a non critical way. So the other person feels loved and empowered always. We should never hut a person’s self esteem. It’s a cardinal sin. The best gift to a child is a gift of self esteem and love. The child will flower in my humble opinion.

So friends  don’t hang out with people who drain you or make you feel small, my friend calls them ” energy suckers” or ”  energy depleters”..

There is no one perfect in this world, we all have limitations, we must simply try to empower people and stay away from negative situations.

I learnt  the hard way ” True love is having no expectations, putting no demands and imposing no conditions on people”. We must accept people as they are , simply point out something, if it bothers us, all the time loving them unconditionally. It’s not easy but we can always try to love in a true way.

In work situations, we could simply point out mistakes if any and encourage and empower to do better, there is nothing that cannot be achieved with love and discipline. We can always state clear objectives.

I guess much of the discord is because ” We are too attached to our ideas. “. One spiritual master says the only problem in this world is ” My belief vs. your belief. There is no other problem”. It is true.

We must always try to understand.  We must always hope to understand. We must always try to explore love and peace.

Say no to criticizing. Stay away from negative people.

Iam sure we all get frustrated and bummed out, there are only three things we can do in a situation ” accept situation, take some action or move out of the situation.”

Choose people who nurture you, who love you for who you are and the way you are..

My problem is the opposite , to rein in love ( exercise restraint), too much love for people, shish kebab 🙂

Me just want to be a giver in life, work and relationships..

Have a lovely weekend my friends!  We can always  show love, appreciation and support. Right friends!

Thank you!

 

 

 

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