The Partisan

24 Jun

“Oh, the wind, the wind is blowing,
through the graves the wind is blowing,
freedom soon will come;
then we’ll come from the shadows.”

― Leonard Cohen, The Partisan

I have been away from Blogging. My friend always reminds me to write. I am at a crossroads of life, work and perhaps age. I don’t feel it but one can’t deny in four or five years time will be at a threshold. I had developed a strange fear of being judged. Something that never ever had…


People judge you all the time. I had paid the price and losses had accumulated. I just found it hard to trust people, situations enough. I just felt the whole world, good and bad had a strange convoluted sense of preservation and personal interest. Every body has a logic and thought process. It is very right. It always had the same result.

The whole world takes liberty with innocence and nice people, every one takes a stab, it’s not that they don’t know it, it’s the death  of innocence in a way, you grow into a shadow of yourself, you don’t even recognize self…

But who are you?

Who am I?, What do I want?, What does the situation demand? ( Deepak Chopra writes in a note ” Why consciousness is the biggest secret to success”)

I want to go back to myself slowly, live without fear, work without fear, to be own self..

Fear was not in my toolkit, it was enforced on my life by people who nakedly followed self interest and some are  not worth mentioning… but fear is good, learnt in life, it keeps you aware. It avoids losses.

I have to fight. That’s my fundamental DNA. I can never forsake courage. Otherwise would not have survived. I never compromised on character.   I feel in life- content, relationships, integrity all are needed in equal measure. I was hurt with relationships. One has learnt it has something to do with one’s actions. You become discreet. Yes one is judged all the time. So be it. I decided to revisit my old tools – run and meditation. Ran after a while today…


It was raining nevertheless ran like have done for last twenty years to forget the heaviness of heart and feeling.  Your energies stagnate if you don’t move, it get’s darker. I had nothing in life apart from hope, two friends, run and book for many years. I am actually quite happy with pulling of all those early assignments with spirit, hard work and self reliance.   My friends were kind, generous with love and spirit. I achieved some of my family goals. I lived the good start up story.

I wanted to run. May be it’s like the wild dance or a revolt. Nobody knows you. No body knows the path you had to take. Yet everybody judges you. Let’s make it worthwhile for them.

I have a house now which bought with a bank loan and a steady job. You are all invited to my home in this city..

I want to fight the good fight and live with awareness. Iam grateful too. Remember then always : Who am I?, What do I want?, What does the situation demand?…

I hope don’t fall sick running in rain after all not that young anymore…

Yes am The partisan, the fighter of good fight ( refer world war two)…

Goodnight dear friends!  Thanks for coming to my blog as always and reading my little musings..

Grateful and love, Suresh



Vinod Khanna

1 May


Vinod Khanna was my favorite actor along with Shashi Kapoor and Amitabh Bachchan. I watched many of their movies and enjoyed it immensely. It was only entertainment for lower middle class upbringing.  Those movies were simple stories often resembling localized westerns. They were called multi starrers for some reason and those actors had distinct personalities. I think they were singularly responsible for keeping a large otherwise deprived audience happy with their movie parts and stories.  Vinod khanna’s passing away made me sad. One of my heroes is no more.

I watched many movies of Vinod Khanna. Nobody walked like him, few looked like him and had a most beautiful smile. He played villain and hero both with panache and style. He played rural and urban characterizations with ease and sensitivity. I do not know mechanics of acting and am sure people loved him in those portrayals. He had soulful eyes and a great personality. He could have been a hollywood hero like a Burt Reynolds or Clint Eastwood.

I read while in school that he had given up his acting career to take a spiritual detour with Osho Rajneesh. I read he became a gardener in Osho’s commune first in Pune and then in Oregon. He was a big star and to give up all that is ” bravery” or may be ” renunciation” thought then. I myself read Osho in my teenage years. I could understand ” why”.  He later came back and joined films and later politics and became a minister. Few people straddle one world with conviction, he did three – movies, spirituality and politics.  A very brave and beautiful man in my opinion.  If you read or saw his interviews, he always came across very human, very dignified and  aware.

I of course never met him given my station in life. I followed his life and movies with interest. I loved his dignity and sensitive portrayals on screen. Rarely you would a find a man’s man and a beautiful heart. These are my assessments.

Please read some tributes by great Indian artistes on Vinod Khanna

He said one of his favorite songs was from his movie ” Mere Apne” ” Koi hota jisko apna keh lete yaaron pas nahi to dur hota lekin koi mera apna…” ( I wish there was somebody who was mine, if not near far atleast, some one whom could call mine…) It’s one of my favorite songs too…

So look here is the thing, people who are seekers are not escapist, they are braver than most, innocent in their longing, total in their path…

Vinod Khanna is beautiful man who was total in all his path’s…movies, spirituality, politics.

I Loved Vinod khanna and learnt from his last speech ( refer youtube) to work with total awareness….

My generation’s heroes are gone : Leonard Cohen, Vinod Khanna….both influenced me with their work, life  and dignity.

I was compelled to return to blog. I will continue to share all that is important to this little self as and when.

Till then do remember Vinod Khanna  and as prime minister of India , Narendra Modi tweeted ” Will always remember Vinod Khanna as a popular actor, dedicated leader and a wonderful human. ”  and President of India, Pranab Mukherjee said on Twitter “Heartfelt condolences on the passing away of Vinod Khanna, a highly talented and acclaimed actor and Member of Parliament,”

We all have to go one day. What a life and what  a sad end….

Why do good people suffer?

vinod khanna

I will always remember Vinod Khanna and ” “Agar nazarein khoobsurat ho … toh har cheez khoobsurat lagti hai.”  ( If your eyes ( outlook) is beautiful and then everything looks beautiful)…..

Love, Suresh






Fourth anniversary & interim break

17 Apr

Today is my fourth Blogging anniversary with WordPress. This would follow a interim break unless feel rejuvenated to come back to blogging.  My current thought dictates:

– I have laid down my experiences thread bare and with sincerity.  I need new experiences and new understanding.

– There is a new generation whose voices and experiences needs to be heard more.

– There is too much suffering in real world and it pretty much pales our daily struggles.

– I started blogging in 2013 on friends suggestion, many a times  in these four years  it       gave me something to look forward ,a purpose and discipline.  It kept me sane when  was giving  interviews or family was sick or when was sad.

– It gave me a form and a expression. It is also cathartic and heals.

So wish you a interim good bye dear friends, am grateful to every one who has come this way, much love and wishes to every one of you.

Remember me…

” Ah remember me, I used to live for music
Remember me, I brought your groceries in ..

suresh 2017

” I’d really like to live beside you, baby
I love your body and your spirit and your clothes
But you see that line there moving through the station?
I told you, I told you, told you, I was one of those….”

( Leonard Cohen, First we take Manhattan)

What can I say ?

– Elon Musk runs Tesla, Space X and SolarCity.  We should all be inspired to do more.

-“Pain + Reflection = Progress” ― Ray Dalio, Principles

-The famous violinist Nathan Milstein wrote: “Practice as much as you feel you can accomplish with concentration. Once when I became concerned because others around me practiced all day long, I asked [my mentor] Professor Auer how many hours I should practice, and he said, ‘It really doesn’t matter how long. If you practice with your fingers, no amount is enough. If you practice with your head, two hours is plenty.’” ―K. Anders Ericsson,Michael J. Prietula,Edward T. Cokely, The making of an Expert

– ” None of us does anything by ourselves. For scientists, we have had mentors and we have had people we have randomly connected with that have influenced us in our lives. We never achieve anything by ourselves, we achieve it with the help of  community of people around us.” ― Dr. Venki Ramakrishnan, Nobel Laureate for chemistry, 2009

Remember me then…

SOS to my friends : Please call

If you would wish to write and would be happy to hear from you :


Much love and gracias, Suresh

Favorite ideas(themes)

20 Mar

These are some favorite ideas and life lessons:

Let go & Present moment

“If you let go a little you a will have a little peace; if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace; if you let go completely you will have complete peace. ”

― Ajahn Chah

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”
― Eckhart Tolle

“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”
― Eckhart Tolle

Persistence & Hard work

“The point is, if you actually believe something, you try your best to make it happen. It doesn’t always happen, but it happens most of the time.”

― Vinod Khosla

“The best way out is always through.”
― Robert Frost

“The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense.”
― Thomas A. Edison

Deliberate practice & preparation

“The journey to truly superior performance is neither for the faint of heart nor for the impatient. The development of genuine expertise requires struggle, sacrifice, and honest, often painful self-assessment. There are no shortcuts. It will take you at least a decade to achieve expertise, and you will need to invest that time wisely, by engaging in “deliberate” practice—practice that focuses on tasks beyond your current level of competence and comfort.

. You need a particular kind of practice—deliberate practice—to develop expertise. When most people practice, they focus on the things they already know how to do. Deliberate practice is different. It entails considerable, specific, and sustained efforts to do something you can’t do well—or even at all. Research across domains shows that it is only by working at what you can’t do that you turn into the expert you want to become.”

― K Anders Ericsson, Michael J Prietula, Edward T Cokely

“Achievement is talent plus preparation ”― Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success

“If you work hard enough and assert yourself, and use your mind and imagination, you can shape the world to your desires.”― Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success

Foolish & Hungry

“Stay hungry, stay foolish.”― Steve Jobs

“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” ― Epictetus

“The point of living and of being an optimist is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come.” ― Peter Ustinov

These are some of my favorite themes : let go and present focus, persistence and hard work, deliberate practice and preparation, foolish and hungry…

Personally have to work on deliberate practice and preparation.

Hope you find them useful dear friends!

Love, Suresh

Favorite quotes

19 Mar

These are some of my favorite quotes:

” Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
― Leonard cohen

I have adult experiences but am not going to write about them , why am i stuck in childhood ?guess that’s where my heart is.. – Maurice Sendak

I have observed that both optimists and pessimists seem to leave this world in the same way – but the optimists live better lives – Shimon Peres

Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don’t be sorry. – Jack Kerouac

“When an archer is shooting for nothing he has all his skill.
If he shoots for a brass buckle he is already nervous.
If he shoots for a prize of gold
he goes blind
or sees two targets
– he is out of his mind!

His skill has not changed. But the prize
divides him. He cares.
He thinks more of winning than of shooting
and the need to win
drains him of power. ”
― Chuang Tzu

“Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn’t matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don’t think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn’t stop you from doing anything at all.”
― Richard Feynman

First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, and then you win.
― Mahatma Gandhi

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
― Mahatma Gandhi

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Sean McGuire: It’s not your fault.
Will Hunting: I know…
Sean McGuire: No, you don’t. It’s not your fault.
Will Hunting: I know.
Sean McGuire: No, listen to me, son. It’s not your fault.
― Goodwill Hunting movie
Galti kar rahe ho saheb ( You are making a mistake Sir)
Galti karna acha lagta hai ( I like making mistakes)
― A Wednesday movie
These are some of my favorite quotes.
Hope you have a nice weekend!
Love, Suresh

Mental models

18 Mar

“You have spent your entire life learning to be unhappy.Let me repeat that: you have spent your entire life learning to be unhappy. And the way we learn to be unhappy is by buying into a particular mental model.

A mental model is a notion we have that this is the way the world works. All of us have mental models, we’ve got dozens of mental models. We’ve got mental models on how to find a job, how to get ahead at work, how to pick a restaurant to eat at, how to have a movie to go to … dozens of them. The problem isn’t that we have mental models. The problem is that we don’t know that we have mental models. We think this is the way the world works. And the more we invest in a mental model, the more it appears that this, in fact, is the way the world works. But it isn’t: it’s just a mental model, and the mental model we have that we buy into so strongly is that we have to get something so we can do something so we can be something. Like, we have to get a great deal of money so we can travel to exotic places so we can be happy. We have to be in a relationship so we can have great sex so we can be happy.

All of this is a variation of the if-then model. And the if-then model is: if this happens, then we will be happy.

-Srikumar Rao, Plug into your hard-wired happiness, TED


I came across this TED talk on happiness by a Business school professor Srikumar Rao who lays out some ideas for happiness – acceptance, to focus on process visa vis outcomes , happiness is our intrinsic nature..

I quite agree with mental models. We all of have a profile of how things are or should be.or must be. This need not be so. We feel comfortable in our world view, positions and formations. We are well invested in same. We are too attached to our ideas.

I like to think of  world as a heterogeneous system, where every one can find, create or assimilate knowledge, there are numerous paths to everything, the beautiful part is we are all different yet we can try for integration or inclusion..

Just like a family – where we all could have different orientation, view points, yet we give all  happy space , perhaps also integrate and live seamlessly. We can try this experiment.

I have a feeling my blog has run its time like all things should, may be should work on new things like fiction or pottery. I have a feeling. I am contemplating..

I would like my blogging to be remembered as one more point of view in this large heterogeneous universe. I am not calling quits yet, let’s see..

Pls check Prof Srikumar Rao’s TED talk may be you will like some ideas..

Have you ever had a bad outcome? This might throw a light on staying invested in process.

Have a easy weekend dear friends! My friend taught me this inspired from Lionel Ritchie song ” Easy”…

Love, Suresh

Thoughts 15th March 2017

15 Mar

– 2017 is a long time and internet itself is more than twenty years old. The new generation is called Millennials . It is perhaps equal to Chinese experiment of a super breed of humans. This is a post internet generation. They are very smart and  information rich.  They are not just book smart but wicked smart. The only thing they need is perhaps ” humility.”  I once read a Harvard president , Drew Gilpin Faust speech ”  In case we didn’t know it before, we have been forcefully reminded that we cannot control or predict the future or what it will require from us. Humility can be a effective tonic.”

– I don’t understand why humility is not projected as a virtue, it is basis of all learning which pretty much decides your outcomes. Look at the guy whose chin and hair both go in same direction defying gravity? The only other parallel is a ghazal singer whose hair reminded me of a sofa or a bed as he sang ” Sharab Cheez Hi Aisi hai ( Alcohol is such a drink..) or the Boney M guy . I quite liked the Boney M guy he was thin and danced wildly.

– The truth is confidence may be important than cognitive ability. If two kids have same  abilities the one with a better temperament has more chances of better outcomes. This is my experience. Confidence will have more results than high IQ.  I also found this corroborated in a Economist article ” How to join the 1%”. Millennials know it.

– Sometimes feel one is a sum total of choices  and people we meet.  But this is a very big area. If you go to a good school, you meet better people, you make better choices…if all things remain equal. I don’t know. But do feel. This entirely may not be true. As people from ordinary schools have brought great outcomes. It must be grit. Am I trying too hard to be a Malcolm Gladwell here..

– As far as psychology is concerned. Few nights ago couldn’t sleep and resolved to finish a article which wanted to read ” The making of an expert” – K Anders Ericsson, Michael J Prietula , Edward T Cokely, HBR. It’s a good dated  article and for those interested in 10,000 hrs of making an expert. It might be useful. I ended up ordering a book by the same author Anders Ericsson & Robert Pool ” Peak : Secrets from the new science of  expertise.” I will let you know. I hope this is the last book in this genre read. I would just like to read literature.

– ” I do think there’s a good framework for thinking. It is physics. You know, the sort of first principles reasoning. Generally I think there are — what I mean by that is, boil things down to their fundamental truths and reason up from there, as opposed to reasoning by analogy.Through most of our life, we get through life by reasoning by analogy, which essentially means copying what other people do with slight variations. And you have to do that. Otherwise, mentally, you wouldn’t be able to get through the day. But when you want to do something new, you have to apply the physics approach. Physics is really figuring out how to discover new things that are counterintuitive, like quantum mechanics. It’s really counterintuitive. So I think that’s an important thing to do, and then also to really pay attention to negative feedback, and solicit it, particularly from friends. This may sound like simple advice, but hardly anyone does that, and it’s incredibly helpful.”  ( Elon Musk , TED Talk, The mind behind Tesla, Space X and Solar City ..)

Think hard about that…

-“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, hut in the expert’s there are few.” ( Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind )

Think about that too…

– How about combining above two? I have always found thinking down to fundamentals truths rewarding though it is mentally draining and exhausts you. The path to same has been through a empty mind, a beginners mind. This is the first time in life am trying to seek expertise. It takes time. I will post comments on same and Ericsson’s book.

– Doing should follow thinking, other wise will end up only as politburo or will have a headache and will have to bang head wildly to our Boney M friend ” Daddy cool” for some peace every day.

– I am  always grateful to my friends for their unconditional kindness and goodness. I am only a product of people’s kindness. It is only good people who make life livable.

This for today. Goodnight dear friends, hope you have a happy time ahead.

Love, Suresh